I just need to verbalize how stupid this is.
I do this every. single. time. And every time I say that I’m not going to do it, and I do. I guess maybe it’s just part of it, and it’s normal and I just need to be patient with myself?
Here I am, about to birth another child any day now. Instead of being excited, I’m depressed. I don’t want anyone to talk to me or touch me. I don’t want to talk. I just want to be. But I can’t, due to the other little monkeys around here that feel the need to pile on top of me every time I try to lay down. Brent says that he thinks I’m very close. I hope he’s right!
I keep trying to give myself a pep talk… “You’re almost there!… Any day now!…Nothing to be upset about!… Really, even two weeks isn’t that much longer to wait!!…New baby coming!!!” (Is there anything better than a baby??? I don’t think so!)
And then I have to consider the absurdity of being in any sort of hurry to go into labor. LABOR.
Then I realize that this is a necessary part of it all. You just have to get so frustrated and so tired of being pregnant that you welcome labor. And I am welcoming it…no….BEGGING it, to please relieve me. =)
The last two labors were a lot easier once I stopped trying to fight it. The pain is not the problem…it’s the process. ((Insert monologue about American birth and how we train our bodies to fight the pain–run from it even– and prolong labor in the process.)) And I’m ready. So. So. Ready.