Suburban CEO has pinpointed that one of the biggest hurdles facing the stay at home mom is isolation. Some one give this lady a Nobel Peace Prize. She says that if you move more than once every 5 (or 7?) years, it’s even worse. Try5 times in 5 years. That’s how many times we’ve moved. Basically, every time you move you are starting over again with networking and forming a local support group (which we all know is mandatory for the survival of your sanity when you have peanut butter in your hair, no one can find their shoes, and your pretty sure that someone recently peed in an undisclosed location which you can’t find.) Basically, the modern SAHM is having trouble coping with what should be a normal and natural role. It doesn’t fit with a modern day society.
So, we’ve lived in 5 locations in 5 years. Factor into that a husband who works long hours far away from home and doesn’t even get a chance to even call to check on you most days and you’ve got a recipe for a really lonely frazzled mommy. I thinkmay have just gone off the deep end yesterday if my older brother hadn’t called to check on me. (Thanks, Matt!) I crave community. I crave to be able to be physically present to help others out. And yes, I’ll be honest, I crave some DOGGON HELP!
I know, it sounds stupid probably. I was really wondering if maybe I’m just too self-absorbed. Is it really reasonable to expect to have a network of people at your beck and call everytime you have a bad day? (To overexagerate things just a tad.) I should just pull myself up by my boot straps and do what I’ve got to do, but instead I’m in my room hiding from my family while my poor husband tries to feed the kids breakfast.
But really. Hours and hours and HOURS of isolation from anyone who can carry on a reasonable conversation. (And I don’t think that “How are you today? My those shoes are cute!” from the checkout person at the store counts. .. Although it is slightly exciting at times.) Day after day after day. Is this acceptable? Shouldn’t I be able to call some older woman for help when I feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to do? Shouldn’t there be family near by to assist you with those tasks that only a family member would be willing to engage in. Or… not even just to WORK or HELP… but just to drop by and hang out and laugh and have fun?
I think that we were created to be together. In scripture we are told to bear one another’s burdens. We are told that it is good and pleasant for us to dwell together. (Sorry I don’t have my Bible nearby so I can’t look up the references. I went to Bible College, take my word for it. =P )
All of my kids are at really intense places in their development right now. Arwen appears to have no clue that she’s a child. I think this is normal for four. She’s very combustible and questions and back talks ALL. DAY. LONG. Eventually I just run out of reasons or the ability to offer an explanation and I have to just ask her to please not ask any more questions for the next five minutes. Then I feel like a jerk. Charis is of course the middle child. She’s 3. She’s a girl. That seems to amount to a lot of crying and hurt feelings (She is likely to cry simply because she thought she was getting spaghetti for lunch and I served PBJ instead.). She’s very tender and I really love that about her, so telling her to “toughen up” and stop crying doesn’t seem like a good idea. Ezra is in the clumsy toddler stage of having a LOT to say but no words to say it with. This is frustrating for all of us. He also doesn’t seem to know his own strength, bless his heart. This makes me nervous about the new baby that is coming.
And then there is the new baby. I have to admit, the Fearless Mamma is slightly afraid of having 4. I think it’s a normal phase of pregnancy. The first trimester you just try to get through the days and feel better, and comfort sets in with the 2nd trimester. Your mind starts to wonder and you day dream about your baby. Boy or Girl, what color hair, etc. Then you start to try to imagine squeezing a new born into your every day life as it is right now, which is just absurd. In the middle of a stressful situation you find yourself thinking, “Oh Lord, what would I do if I had a newborn right now?!?!?” I try not to go there, because that thought freaks me out (and it’s just not a good idea). Of course, all of my currrent children are going to change SO MUCH by the time this baby is born! Life changes constantly and we’ll all be ready when the time comes. It’s been that way every single time. I remember when Arwen was 10 months old and I found out I was pregnant with Charis. I looked down at my child who couldn’t even walk and all I could think was “How am I going to carry them both around all the time?!?!” Arwen, of course, learned how to walk by the time Charis was born. Charis squeezed right in and after a brief four month adjustment period, our lives were normal again. Ezra practically snuck in the back door when he was born, 21 months after Charis. I again had two in diapers (cloth at that), and everything was okay. So, by the time this baby is born, Ezra will be almost 2, Arwen will be five, Charis will be almost 4, and life will look a lot different than it does right now.
I’m sorry for rambling. This is just my way of processing.
I think my conclusion is that I’m in the middle ofa really lonely period of life right now, but that life may just look totally different in even justmonths, or maybe 5 years. Either way, feeling hopeless and stuck isn’t an option. I can only try, once again. to put my roots down deep and hope that we stay put for a little while.
(Speaking of putting down deep roots. It has become apparent to me that I “cope” by gardening, and yesterday I put in a lot of new plants- both vegetable and flowers. I’ll post pictures later.)
Tomorrow, FIL is supposed to come to start the transformation of garage to soap lab. This will be an enormous weight off my shoulders, so that should help too. And rumor has it that my family is coming for a visit next Monday.
See? Things aren’t so bad after all. <3 <3
Love the one your with, ya’ll.