what i feel and what is

So we thought that the very first person who looked at our house was gonna work out. I held back from any grand announcements because who ever heard of that happening.

And it’s not looking so great right now.

And we are 12 days away from the interview.

And I don’t know what 2 months from now looks like. While all our friends are planning school years and field trips, I’m stalled out.

And we’ve only been out of the Burgess School for a couple weeks and I’m ready for structure to our days again.

And I don’t know where we will live if he does get the job.

Or if he will even get it.

And what if he doesn’t? ALL THIS WORK?! For NOTHING?!?

What if he does get it and we pick the wrong neighborhood. Or we don’t know anyone nearby.

These are the thoughts I think all night long.

These are the thoughts rolling in my head as I change diapers, wipe noses, wash dishes.

And these were the worries knocking in my brain when I took out the trash.

I stopped to examine the sun set. To think about how huge the sun is, how far away the clouds actually are. How tiny I am in this galaxy.

And I remembered that the God who made all of that… Loves me.

Cares for me.

Remembers me.