letting go of august

I left off on a sour note, didn’t I? I’ve been thinking about that, but really realized it today when a friend called to make sure I hadn’t fallen into some dark pit and disappeared.

So, I had a bad day. Immediately after that I took off again to Georgia to support some friends for a couple days, then back home, and then to Georgia once again. I saw the midwife and everything looks good. In her usual quirky way she commented that I “have a good sized baby in there”. I also measured about 4 weeks ahead and she casually mentioned I should probably order my birth kit. (The birth kit is all the medical supplies that the midwife requests for you to have on hand, as well as a “born at home” birth certificate, new born hat, cord clamps, etc.) I still haven’t done that yet but I’m thinking about it.

And now it’s the last day of August and I’m not sure where the time went. Arwen’s fifth birthday was the beginning of August, and so much has happened since then that it seems like it should feel like it was a really long month. But I had a bad day, and then August was gone. I am totally not prepared for September.

And I’m really dancing around what I have to say because I’m tired and perplexed. But there’s more than August to let go of. I know that the Lord is trying to teach me something right now, in His merciful ways, and I have no idea what it is. I want to learn. I realize that I stand totally and utterly lost and depraved without His grace. Through a series of events that are really almost comical, the Lord has stripped me of my “capable-ness”. I’ve always been independent, able, strong, and tough. Now I find myself vulnerable and handicapped.

Instead of being the helper to my husband, I find myself needing the help- all of the time. (There is a reason why I haven’t posted any menus or grocery lists. It’s because there have been none.) Instead of being super mommy, filled with energy, up before the sun, following the colorful schedule on the wall, I have become tired and boring, and my main duty seems to be to turn on a video and churn out some form of “food” to fill tummies with. I have to explain to Arwen that I’m really sorry that I can’t go exploring today, I’m trying to keep my baby from falling out of me, etc.

And right at the very time when I was getting ready to hunker down and prepare for this baby, I got the most massive soap order in the world. 2500 bars of dog soap. Yes, two thousand five hundred bars. That’s over twelve hundred pounds of soap, folks. My beloved studio has become a sweat shop. And somewhere around bar #589 I realized that I was incapable of doing this big job on my own. So, Cheeky Maiden has officially taken on her very first employee, albeit it probably just temporary. It’s exciting. It really is.

My good friend Natalie thinks that the Lord is trying to teach me to rest. Resting is something I’ve always struggled to do. See? I even talk about it like it’s an item on my to do list. Water the garden- check, Feed the kids- check, Laundry-Check, Rest in the Lord- check. Honestly, right now there is nothing more I’d like to do than just rest. I think we’ll be done with this big soap project on Thursday and then resting shall commence. In fact, after my trip to Walmart today, I really don’t have any interest in leaving my house again. I’m so pregnant I could barely drive.

God is good. And He always has our best interest in mind. He sees the big picture, and I am stuck in this little bitty frame. He is faithful to humble us when we need it, strengthen us when we are weak, and merciful each morning.

Thanks to His mercy, this was some of our August:

We're laughing because we realize how huge we are.

birthday balloons.jpg
birthday bicycle.jpg

My parents got Arwen her first bike with training wheels. That's my dad and big brother taking her for her first trip!

Trick candles!

Trick candles!

30 weeks!

30 weeks!

A late summer harvest

A late summer harvest