I was attacked last night in my sleep.

Attacked.

On my FaceBook page.

A simple status update: “Sign of an unvaccinated child: when given a toy syringe to play with, uses it to do “shots” of herbs in their mouth.”

My kids got a doctor dress-up kit for Christmas. Since they haven’t really ever been to the doctor that much, they weren’t really sure what to do with a lot of it. Once I informed them that you don’t normally get shots in your knee on a regular basis, they assumed that it was for doing shots of herbs. I thought it was cute, so I posted.

Another incidence occurred recently. In honor of breast cancer prevention week, a friend of mine posted that breast feeding can reduce your risk and your daughter’s risk of getting breast cancer.

She was also attacked, but by someone different.

Imagine with me, if you will, what it is like to swim upstream. Imagine what it is like to constantly be questioned about your choices and subjected to the unsolicited opinions of…..ohhhh…. EVERYONE…. about how your baby sleeps, how and when you feed them, what you do and do not allow to be injected into them, or even where you chose to have them.

Imagine if the tables were turned and I was the normal one.

{{Insert sparkly dream music here.}}

A mother states that she has just had her baby in the hospital.

“GASP! You had your baby in the hospital?!? Aren’t you worried about unnecessary intervention or disease? I could never be brave enough to have my baby in the hospital. I’d just be so terrified that doctor would cut me or that my baby would have a horrible immune system because of the IV drugs and injections, or have asthma because of an unnecessarean…”

Next scenario:

I walk up to an unsuspecting mother at church: “Hey there. Boy, what a cutie. So, your baby is healthy enough to wake up during the night to nurse, isn’t he. I mean… you aren’t doing anything crazy like sticking that little guy in a room all by himself where he might die or something, right?”

Next scenario:

A bottle feeding mom simply states that she really enjoys bottle feeding because her husband can feed the baby sometimes. She is berated with the following comment: “I really wish you would stop shoving your bottle feeding nazism down everyone’s throats!!! Everyone isn’t able to bottle feed, OKAY?!? Not all of us are rich enough to be able to afford formula like you are.”

Next scenario:

Parents make a comment that indicates they have recently taken their child in for their routine shots. The unsolicited advice they are immediately met with: “Well, I just worry about all those poor poor children suffering paralysis, or Guillan Barre syndrome (sp?), or autism, or the ones that have DIED because their parents got them vaccinated. I just get all scared thinking about what could happen when a kid gets injected with formaldehyde, aluminum, mercury, and various strains of disease. I heard that it causes Alzheimers and Parkinson’s disease and lowers the body’s ability to naturally fight off diseases the way that God made it to.”

{{Dream music fades out.}}

If you sleep with your baby in another room, have them in a hospital, or vaccinate them, you probably found the above hypothetical statements somewhat offensive…and rightly so!

I would never make statements like that to someone! However, I am subjected to unsolicited advice from others much like that over and over again. Simply because I’ve chosen a different lifestyle than most people.

I have thick skin, but it still doesn’t seem right to me that folks seem so comfortable with the verbal attacks that many of my friends and I receive.

The attacks I first mentioned?

After sharing what I thought was a funny laugh with the facebook world, a heavy debate ensued. Someone responded with comments about unvaccinated kids needing iron lungs after they get polio, and an offer to pray that my children don’t die because I haven’t vaccinated them. I’m not exaggerating (why would you say I’m exaggerating?!? ). I was blissfully sleeping when this occurred, so my chiropractic doctor put on her cape and came to the defense. She kept her arguments to stating the facts about vaccinations and explaining why this other person’s statements were simply unfounded. Those statements were met with a response that was based on fear mongering, about all the children dying from disease. As if I don’t know about them, or care about them for that matter.

My friend who had shared information about breast feeding preventing breast cancer was attacked by another mom who accused her of pushing her breast feeding mentality down every one else’s throats and of saying that everyone who bottle feeds their baby is going to get breast cancer. Not what she said at all, in fact.

Here’s my point: I would never ever come at someone like that, even though I know in fact that their parenting practice may be detrimental to their child’s health. Should they ask me, I would be more than happy to have a helpful conversation about their choices.

Don’t forget what Audaciter Matris is all about. Fearless Mother. Bold, daring, a bit untraditional with no restriction to prior ideas. Just because folks have been doing it for years doesn’t mean that I’m going to do it. I question, I seek, I educate myself. My husband and I consider ourselves (and God, duh) the experts on our children. This is not to say that we do not hesitate to ask advice of those older and wiser of us. But it also means that we aren’t going to be put in the passenger seat when it comes to our children’s health and we certainly aren’t going to get willy nilly about our decision making. It also means that I consider you to be the expert on your child’s health. I would never be presumptuous so as to assume that I know why you make the choices you do or what information you have been confronted with that caused said choices.

We’ve educated ourselves and we feel so secure in our decisions that we don’t feel the need to make everyone else feel the same. This makes me wonder why people feel the need to tell me about the kids dying of Polio or Hepatitis, as if I don’t know? Are they disturbed by my choice to not vaccinate? Absolutely.

Because my choice to not vaccinate insinuates that they may have been wrong in choosing to vaccinate their child. Maybe it was done out of fear. Maybe it was done on the advice of the doctor. Maybe it was done out of flat out ignorance.

Because my choice to home birth may suggest that having a baby in the hospital was not the safest choice for them.

Because my choice to breast feed my child infers that bottle feeding is not the best for their baby.

I can only wonder if those that are so defensive about their choices must somehow feel insecure in them somehow.

Am I saying that all children should be born at home, co-sleeping, unvaccinated, breast fed, and home schooled?

Absolutely not!

I’ve made my decisions regarding these things, and I’m comfortable with them. I’ve got a community of people who believe similar things and I can talk to them about them without receiving harsh judgement. Heck, even my parents are comfortable with my choices, and they fly in the face of some of their own child raising decisions.

Because I’m comfortable about my choices (and not because I’m trying to hide) you will often find me in conversation with another mom, smiling and nodding. she may be going on and on about a hospital birth and have no idea that I’m a home birther. If asked, I will gladly offer my opinion. But you’d never find me responding like in the hypothetical situations above. That’s just down right rude.

We should respect one another’s decisions. There is a place for thoughtful discussion, and fear mongering or just general ignorance spewing is not going to provoke that.

Read my disclaimer here before you comment anything mean please. =)