When you have a house full of many small children, there are certain terms that are relative… meaning, they mean something different to me than in a house of adults, single people, or one with at least a couple of kids over 7.

The first is “Doing Nothing“. Often I tell people that I try to “do nothing” for six weeks after I have a baby. To most normal people, “doing nothing” means laying on the couch watching Court TV all day. For me, it means buying [organic] store bought bread instead of grinding my own wheat and making it  from scratch, fixing three meals a day for at least 4 people, changing about 10 diapers a day, doing dishes about three times a day, and making only 36 pounds of soap each week instead of the normal 108 pounds.

“Clean“: when I say my house is “clean” I mean that I removed the snot scabs off of the couch, had one of the kids vacuum, and at least wiped the toilet seats off with some toilet paper (using all purpose cleaner is preferred, but we can’t always get what we want now can we?) It does not mean that you won’t find a rotten apple core under the couch (or your pillow for that matter), grubby hand prints up the wall in the stair case, or questionable staining on all other furniture. Hey, at least you can expect not to sit in a glob of snot while you’re here, okay?

“Free time“: I’m just going to come right out and say it. Free time in a house with many small children usually comes once a day. It involves the bathroom, and possibly a magazine if you’re lucky. Sometimes you might even have to nurse a baby in your “free time”. Can you imagine trying to explain to someone else, exactly what it is you do in your “free time”? Read. We’ll just leave it at that.

“Vacation”: For a mother of many small children, vacation entails doing exactly the same thing you always do, only away from home. Essentially, your “work” goes with you on vacation. In other words, there is no vacation. Wrap your mind around that one.

“School”: Hopefully other moms have it together a bit more than I do. School involves Starfall, counting peas at dinner, spelling out words for a random monster illustration by the 5 year old, and plenty of interesting vocabulary words being explained. It happens at no particular time these days and does not involve a curruculum of any sorts. (Although I’m practically ready to beg someone to please just pick a curriculum and tell me what to do!)

And what about “Busy“? You know. like when some one calls and asks if you’re busy. People, I’m busy every moment of the day and laugh every time someone asks me this and I answer, “Busy? Naaaahhhh.”… as I nurse a baby while checking email, and glue a stuffed animal’s eye back on, with the oven timer beeping and UPS man knocking on the door, and telling one kid to clean up their spilled drink, stop hitting your sister, someone please turn the water off in the bathroom, etc etc. Sigh.

It’s wonderful, and in the midst of the constant chaos I never entertain thoughts of what my life would be like if I really did have a chance to “do nothing“, have an actual “clean” house, have “free time” outside of the bathroom and alone, go on “vacation” for real, have an actual plan for “school”, and not be so “busy” all the time. Lonely and boring, that’s what life would be.