Audaciter Matris

Allow me to be self indulgent for a moment while I make a desperate attempt at pumping myself up for the day. I figure other tired mammas might need to hear it too!

Brent and I are learning about hard work, ya’ll. I thought that I knew a definition of “exhausted”  but I’m finding out I hadn’t quite experienced bone deep exhaustion.

And truth be told, we’re loving {almost} every minute of it.

It feels really good to be successful at something and know that it took a lot of hard work to get there. (I think this may be the definition of the good kinda “pride”.) But the hard work part gets tiring, and it can be really discouraging when you don’t quite see the fruits of your effort yet. Occassionally you lose sight of what it is you are even working towards.

For the most part, this summer has been a blur of farmers markets. In between the hours in the heat at some pretty busy markets we’ve been attempting to shepherd our children’s hearts and continue to run our home in a nurturing way.

It’s fun and the kids are getting some fantastic life experiences and adventures that we hope they’ll remember for the rest of their lives. But on the grown up level, it’s been extremely challenging. Juggling lots of littles in the heat for several hours while also trying to answer questions about soap and make sales… Shoot, for one market, just the road trip to get there has the possibility of exhausting all of our patience!

But we’ve honestly been “counting it all joy” along the way.

And then all that other stuff broke. And whatnot. And we felt like we had been placed inside of a pressure cooker! Nay, a furnace. (Nay? Excuse me while I go get another cup of coffee.)

Anyway. Where was I? Oh yes. We were being cooked. By the grace of God we realized it. So we counted that all joy as well. I recall telling you all that I would be back to report of God’s goodness, and I am!

We were able to take care of both van repairs, the AC repair, the new washing machine, the plumbing repair, and whatever the heck else we were facing at the time. We did it all debt free, and were able to absorb most of it into our normal budget and without touching any of the money we have been working our butts off to make to pay off our business loan. In fact, the washing machine came gifted to us from Brent’s parents! Totally unexpected!! (Thanks Nana and Papa!!!) We did have to use a small portion of our “emergency fund”, but that’s what it’s for, right?

So, what does this all have to do with jam?

Umm. Nothing really, but I can make a stretch and tell you that when you are pressed, what’s on the inside comes out.

Just normal everyday life presses us plenty, doesn’t it? Then you add a bunch of hot kids, grumpy parents, demanding customers, hunger, extreme exhaustion, and a plethora of house repairs… and you’ve just become fit for jam.

I was super tired after last night’s farmers market. I knew that the baby was probably going to keep me up all night. (Again.) I made sure to do the dishes before bed so that I was not greeted with a dirty kitchen in the morning (which is the worst way to start the day). We had the kids clean up their toys before bed so we could have  a fresh house to wake up to. We went to bed at a decent time. We made ourselves get up early for coffee and prayer together. We gave ourselves every chance at a good start.

And then there was a super annoying email to deal with. Brent left for work, and then the kids got up too early. And my quiet time has evolved into time with Ezra on my lap and  trotting up and down the stairs making the girls get back in bed so they don’t wake the baby up.

First reaction is to throw my hands up in the air and say, “Great. This day is really going to suck. I’m tired of being squeezed. God, can I just have one day of not being squeezed?? Haven’t I been working hard? Don’t I deserve a rest???”

But my husband prayed for me this morning, and I’m pretty sure he’s probably still praying (because he’s awesome like that). And I’m going to continue counting it all joy.

Today, while I’m being pressed, I’m going to count on God to continue working all things for my good, to continue keeping His promises, to continue to be faithful, and to make really yummy jam out of all this pressing.

He’s a good God. And He presses us for our own good and His own glory. What a privilege it is to be used by Him. That is what it is all about anyway.

Pour yourself out today, ya’ll. Be used. Become jam….reallly yummy jam. Not the sugar free junk. The real stuff. Guard your hearts, keep them clean and honest with the Lord. Love on your kids. Look them in the eyes and realize that they are really small persons that deserve respect and consideration. When you are tired, have a plan and just “do the next thing”.

That’s what I’m going to be doing today. =)

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That’s your first hint in this game of “Where in the World is Cheeky Maiden?”

Notice I’m not the only Mamma selling at the famers market. The tent next door sells no-sugar-added fruit butters and they are awesome! (Don’t mind my expression, it’s HOT out there!!)

See? I smile when folks come up to chat or sniff. =)

And there is the whole gang. (Brent was taking photos.)

The kids pretty much treat our old car like an amusement park ride. And I love having them there with me!

So, you see, while it’s hot and it’s hard work, we still have a lot of fun. And we aren’t the only folks who like our kids enough to bring them with us.

This particular market is in Helena at a park with a trail, playground, and a cool sparkling creek just perfect for splashing in!

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We were out of debt one time. It took the first three years of our marriage, but we did it. Then we immediately got back into debt. And “bought” a house… and a van.

Romans 13:8
“Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.”

We rather blissfully ignored this admonishment from scripture when we took on a business loan recently.

Over the last few months, we have watched our plans slowly disintegrate. What sounded like a good idea has proved to be pretty foolish. We thought we had a big account in the bag, and by a divinely orchestrated turn of events, lost it. And now we have this debt hanging over our heads.

So we decided we’d buckle down this summer and work hard to pay it off. Three farmers markets a week we are selling soap. And it’s hard work, ya’ll! Getting prepared with small children at your feet, loading the car, unpacking the soap onto the table, smiling in the heat for hours at prospective customers while also trying to juggle the kids around, packing back up, unloading the car at home, feeding everyone, etc etc. It feels like punishment. It feels like I have been locked in a dungeon and someone is demanding that I spin gold out of straw. Debt is a curse.

I do enjoy some aspects of the markets, don’t get me wrong. But we’re tired! And ironically, the harder we work, the more stuff goes wrong!!

For instance… we’ve had an AC repair, some crazy plumbing problems, water spraying from the back of the fridge, two car repairs (with another threatening), and now the washing machine is broken for good. (Did I mention I couldn’t even drive to the laundromat if I wanted and I have FOUR poopy cloth diapers sitting in the pail? And no clean dish towels?)

So you can see why I laid on my bed and cried today. =) I’m not bothering to record any of this for pity’s sake. I’m writing this down because I fully expect to come back and report the wonderful things that the Lord has done in our lives. Not to mention, we deserve the stress we are under right now.

My first reaction, really, was to call my Mamma!! But I knew that I needed to call my heavenly Father instead. I have a tendency to forget that He’s very much aware of my need and very much interested in hearing what I have on my heart. Just telling the Lord my fears, my frustrations, and my perceived inadequacies…leaning on His everlasting arms, even though He is the one disciplining… I trust Him.

We were foolish, and by His grace He is molding us and shaping us. What kind of a fools would we be if we despised the discipline of the Lord?

Job 5:17
“Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.”

Deuteronomy 8:5

“Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.”

Proverbs 12:1
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”

Hebrews 12:5
“And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you…”

Hebrews 12:8
“If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.”

Hebrews 12:11
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Painful is right! Every member of our family is bearing the brunt of this whole mess. And at the same time I know that Jesus will give us the grace to bear up under it all.

Moral of the story: Debt is bad. Oh, and Dave Ramsey was WRONG. Having an “emergency fund” does not create a bubble around you in which you have no emergencies. Our “emergency fund” has been really really necessary lately.

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Today I’m trying this recipe, from the A Bread A Day site:

Gluten-Free Blueberry Almond Muffins
Makes 10 muffins

1 1/2 cups almond flour**
1/4 cup corn flour
1/4 cup ground flaxseed
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
2 tablespoons sugar
1 medium banana, very ripe
2 to 4 tablespoons milk
1 1/2 tablespoons butter, melted and cooled slightly
2 tablespoons honey
1 egg
1 cup frozen blueberries, not thawed

1.  Preheat oven to 325º F.  Line 10 cups of a muffin tin with paper liners.  In a medium bowl, whisk all dry ingredients together (almond flour through sugar).

2.  In a measuring cup, mash the banana with a fork until smooth.  Add enough milk to measure 3/4 cup.  Add the butter, honey, and egg, and mix with a fork until fully blended together.

3.  Add the banana mixture to the dry mixture, and stir until incorporated.  Add the blueberries and fold in quickly, until just evenly mixed in.  Divide the mixture between the lined muffin cups.

4.  Bake the muffins at 325º F for about 30 minutes, or until slightly firm to the touch, and just beginning to brown on top.  Remove muffins in paper to a wire rack to cool completely.  Serve warm.

**I made my own almond meal by taking roasted unsalted almonds and sticking them in my coffee grinder. It took .65 ounces (weight) of almonds to make 1 1/2 cups of almond meal. I haven’t been able to find a really good source for almond flour/meal that doesn’t break the bank. Maybe buying bulk almonds and grinding them myself will be the trick? We’ll see. =)

PS. Since I have trouble following rules, I used fresh blue berries that the kids and I picked yesterday. =)

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From Naturally Healthy Babies and Children, by Aviva Romm:

FEVERS: Fever is not an illness. It is a process occurring as a response to infection and a signal of illness. It is not the fever itself that needs to be eliminated. Rather, the task is to support and nourish the child while the body does the work of eliminating infection, regaining equilibrium, and healing. In fact, fevers may be important in the body’s fight against invading organisms by stimulating the immune system and creating a body temperature inhospitable to bacteria.

The Role of the Fever: Current research on the human immune system is revealing that fever is not a disease but an immune system enhancer and stimulant. Fevers are now known to cause the production and release of chemicals in our bodies that actually combat infections. Increased temperature may also create an environment inhospitable to the growth of pathogenic organisms that in large populations in the body can lead to severe consequences. What wise women, mothers, and traditional healers have known for ages, conventional medicine, still in its infancy, is just beginning to acknowledge. We may yet “discover that it is the widespread suppression of the immune system that is contributing to the rise of autoimmune diseases.

This information makes one wonder, “Why stop a fever???”

Evie has had a fever for going on four days now. I have blessed peace and assurance and no thoughts of rushing to the emergency room have even entered my head. I don’t even use a thermometer to gauge her temperature, and we don’t plan to use the Fever Reducer sitting on the countertop unless we absolutely need to.

A sober minded Mamma is a good thing.

My kids are sleeping in and I know everyone is curious about how we do things around here, in lieu of product recalls on children’s medications freaking everyone out. So, I’m sharing what we do for fever ’round these parts.

In short: nothing.

Not too much anyway. I like to keep my babies close to my body as much as possible, so I know what their body temp feels like when they are well. Doctors use thermometers because they don’t know my child. Since we carry our babies so much, we know right away that they’ve got a fever. (And we do keep a thermometer around just in case we doubt ourselves or it feels like its getting too high.) And when you spend all day lovin’ on your kids you also know right away when they aren’t acting like themselves. So, I don’t do a lot of hovering over the thermometer unless they look really ill and feel really hot.

Then I try to get them to nurse a lot, if they are little. Or drink a lot if they’r big. Sometimes the only way to get fluids and nourishment in them is some jello made with Emergen-C mixed in and I’m okay with that.

We try to stay home and let them rest, rest, rest. If they feel like they are getting too hot and uncomfortable with the fever, we make a tepid bath, just a couple of degrees cooler than their body temp. Usually they play very happily for a while. And we change the scenery a lot, moving from one restful activity to another. Distraction seems to help.

On the herbal front I give echinacea because it promotes sweating- nature’s way of cooling the body anyway. This could be why my kid’s fevers never get that high. We also try to get plenty of Vit. C in them. This time around, Evie seems really restless with her fever so I’m giving her a tincture of skullcap, passionflower, chamomile, etc. These all calm the nerves and promote rest, and so far it’s working.

We do have fever reducer because I know fevers can get scary. But it’s a last resort, mostly used when we absolutely need some sleep or when baby/kid is just incredibly uncomfortable.

But I pull out my books and read the words of those like Aviva and remember that fever is not to be feared.

I’m pretty sure it’s roseola, and I’m just waiting for that tell-tale rash to appear since she has absolutely no other symptoms other than fever.

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…with cinnamon.

…and ground flax.

That is such a long healthy sounding name, isn’t it. I came up with the recipe myself! Ready?

Preheat oven to 375 and put a bit of oil in your 10 inch skillet. Stick it in the oven.

Mix up dry ingredients first:

• 1 c finely ground corn meal (I did mine in my Nutrimill, so it was probably  more like corn flour)
• 3/4 cup ground flax seed
• 1/2 cup organic non-gmo corn starch
• 1 t xanthan gum
• 1 t baking soda
• 1 1/2 t baking powder
• 1 t sea salt
• 1 t cinnamon
• 1/2 cup brown sugar (I know, I know. It’s a lot. Use honey and make yourself feel better if you need to, but brown sugar gives it that perfect crispiness…)

Mix all that well with a wire whisk and then add…

• 2 eggs
• buttermilk, milk, or water if you have to…. I think I put in about 3/4 cup. I was totally not measuring. Enough of whatever liquid you need to made a thick batter. It shouldn’t be dry or crumbly looking. Put it that way.

Spoon into preheated skillet and bake for about 20 minutes.

I ate mine with some no sugar added Strawberry Butter I picked up at a local farmer’s market and called it dinner.

Enjoy!

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I love getting my latest issue of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Each issue is a bitter reminder of how lack-lustre my own flower beds are, how unorganized my closets have become, and how small my home is…

I jest. Really, I love the creative ideas it offers and usually get very inspired. However, one can’t help but notice how unrealistically large the homes are, how fantastically perfect the flowers are, how thoughtfully placed the intricately wadded up pieces of paper are in the trash cans in the photos. Every single detail is just.not.real.

I came across this funny little site the other day. Much like the People of Walmart site, each posting bares a photo with a funny caption. Only this site lends a look into the lives of the people that live in your catalogs. For instance…

Last year at the 4th of July party, Karen shattered Gary’s ship-in-a-bottle. This year Gary felt it appropriate to remind her.

And, we’ve been having a few of our own little catalog moments this weekend. Life felt magical, like something too good to be true!

We had a July 4th Meet the Neighbors party down in the “neighborhood park”, sponsored by the good folks trying to sell the rest of the houses in our neighborhood. Underneath a huge carnival-like tent were tables set up with sparklers and balloons, and one long set of tables just covered in Jim-n-Nick’s BBQ. A sporty game of horse shoes was being played while little starry-eyed children ran around playing ball. The sunlight even filtered into the tent perfectly. See?

They had a door prize and GUESS WHO THE LUCKY WINNERS WERE!

TADA! We won a brand spankin’ new gas grill!! We just got rid of our old one, too!

A local church sponsored an evening in the park with a ginormous screen showing of Cloudy, With a Chance of Meatballs, followed by country singing crooning and fireworks. We got there early so as to take advantage of all the free Jumpy Things (What are those called? You know, the giant inflatable things with slides and bouncy stuff…) Anyway, we got through all of them just before the lines reached lengths of Six Flags proportions. We figured it was a good time to pick up some grub from the local food vendors and claim our spot on the grass for the movie.

Throngs of people were behind us as we got in a short line. The food vendors could feel the pressure of feeding the 5,000. They nervously served everyone food as fast as they could. One guy with shaky hands spilled ranch dressing on Arwen’s head. (Gross!) While Brent waited in line for food, I moved our spot on the grass not once, but two times. (Ssshh! Don’t tell Brent. He hates when I do that sort of thing. I just like making sure my kids have the best seats, that’s all!) By the end of it, we were right at the front and had a perfect view.

Now for blurry pictures of my kids watching a movie in the dark.

Know what my sweet precious little Evie did during the movie? We laid on the blanket and nursed and cuddled until she drifted off into a deep deep sleep. And she stayed that way.

And she slept right through this:

…and a whole lot more. It was some kind of firework production. Pyrotechnics at its finest.

You know the bad side of being the first to arrive, getting to ride all the stuff and get your food without waiting in a long line and getting a good up front seat to the move?

You’re the very freaking last to leave.

The good folks made you park in order of arrival, so all of us over achievers that got there first were totally trapped. All the losers that got there late zipped right out of the parking lot, once all the throngs of people clogging up the street that were soooo late they couldn’t even fit into the parking lot got out of the way.

For an hour we inched and crept. And it was totally worth it, the movie under the stars, seeing the kid’s faces during the fireworks show! Charis exclaiming how it was “just like Christmas”, Ezra getting so excited that he just jumped up and down and clapped his hands, Arwen giggling happily with the light of the show on her face, and blessed Evie sleeping away.

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June started off rather….snug, shall we say… for Mary…

She was initially treated as royalty. Here she is riding in the carriage with Prince and Princess LittlePeople, dressed as Cinderella.

Then one day she got to put on her finest wig and truck around with the puppy and a nice book as Snow White.

This is what you call a “hat nap”, lovingly curled up inside a comfy Toy Story cap.

Mary was really starting to feel the love, whereupon she found herself stranded with her head shoved through a stencil!!

And just as I was about to publish this blog, her captor was tying her up yet again, only this time her head was plummeted into the depths of what appears to be Birthday Cake.

Poor Mary. Maybe July will be more promising?

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A couple of weeks ago I reminded Brent that our anniversary was this month, but admitted that I wasn’t totally sure what day. We have spent many an anniversary sitting in the pews/standing in the aisle witnessing others covenant with one another too. All the dates have sort of blurred in my mind. And, you know, I’ve got other stuff to think about. {cringe}

I thought it was the 28th while Brent adamantly stated that it was the 23rd. He had that day off anyway. And we’ve already established that I’m dense. So I went with it.

Last night before bed we did the usual conversation of “7 years ago right now, what were you thinking/expecting/dreaming of?” Then Evie slept all night. The sun came up and we exchanged sleepy “Happy Anniversaries” over Evie’s wriggly little self wedged in bed between us. It was magical.

We spent the day in the usual chaos of finding a balance between living like civilized folk and also having little people melt downs, pee on the floor, etc. We were also trying to clean up a little for the babysitter.

After the three littles went to bed for a mid day nap, we left them in the capable hands of not one, not two, but three girls (2 of them were little sister helpers to the babysitter) and chugged off down the road. Cackling loudly. Okay, I was the only one cackling. Brent missed the kids.

I wore non-nursing friendly clothing and mascara. And deodorant. We shopped, we filled our bellies with $80 worth of food. (Don’t judge me, we literally go on one date per year- on our anniversary.) Then we got stuck in traffic on the way home and made it back horribly later than we thought.

Just as we got home a soap customer showed up and we fumbled around with paying babysitter and doling out soap order while cleaning up poop from pants, etc.

Calmness returned and I had a comment on facebook from my mother-in-law that she thought our anniversary was actually on the 28th, five days from today.

“Humn“, we thought. I looked in our wedding scrapbook. No date was recorded. (Doh!)

I looked on our wedding video. Again, no date. (Doh!)

I looked in another wedding album and turned over a picture expecting to see the date stamped. No date. (Doh!) (While we’re at it, let me tell you about one of the best wedding gifts we got. While we were partying at the reception, a thoughtful woman had taken pictures of the entire wedding with her personal camera, gone to the hour photo lab, had them developed, stuck in an album and handed us the gift bag as we loaded ourselves into our getaway car. We were on the plane to NYC when I thought to open the gift. There we were on our way to our honeymoon with pictures of our wedding in our lap. It was awesome. This was, of course, before camera phones and all the fancy photo sharing stuff we have now. It was a big deal.)

I dug through my keepsake box and found our souvenir wedding certificate. At the top of the document it said “On This Day”. My heart began to beat as I screamed in my mind “What day?? What day????”

It was blank.  (Doh!)

I kept digging and hoped that I had at least saved an invitation from my wedding. Instead I came across an invitation to the rehearsal dinner, June 27th. (DOH! DOH ! DOH!)

I showed it to Brent and we had ourselves a good laugh. All he had to say about it was, “Huh. June 28th. I’ll have to remember that next year.”

Yeah. You do that.

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How would non-Christian even find out about a home church or approach one? How are we winning souls to Christ in the home setting? Thoughts??

This question reveals the blur that has taken place in our minds between Church the institution and Church the people. It’s not a bad question at all! Great question, in fact. Think about if you replaced the words “home church” with “Christian”. Ask the question again: “How would a non Christian even find out about a Christian or even approach one?” The truth is that non Christians, especially in America, come into contact with Christians all.day.long. They have brushed shoulders with those who carry in their hearts the light and love of Jesus every.single.day. But most of these Christians have been conditioned to believe that there is a time for sharing the gospel, and that time is when the Church (the institution) has sanctioned “gospel sharing time”. So we atrophy and we get nervous and scared and see hurting people and assume that they don’t want to know what Christ has done for them. We assume that first we have to develop a plan and a big ministry outreach while the very souls right next to us are hurting and in desperate need of Christ.

You don’t have to be so aggressive as to get up the unction to go knock on doors and hand out tracts. I hate when people try to hand me tracts and I’m already a Christian! (And I’m not saying that handing out tracts is bad or useless.) Our homes can be the brightest lights in the darkness that there are. Our homes can be like a city on a hill, too. I think this point is often forgotten. We speak loudly of the love of Christ in the way that we treat our spouses and our children, in how we minister personally to those in need around us. As Christians, our homes should be places of refuge. Places where the love of Christ is evident and made known.

There are all different parts of the body that are needed. Some people are the mouth, and they shout the gospel loudly. Some people are the feet and they mobilize the rest of the body. Some are the hands, working diligently. The gospel gets shared in many varied ways and it’s all good. I’m not saying that house church is the be all and the end all. But the idea that a house church is a city under a hill, burrowed deep and just waiting on Jesus to return, “me and my Bible” types is totally opposite of what our experience in house church has been!

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